Barefoot she stood in the blood drenched snow staring at the charred doors of what used to be her home. Clutching her hands to disregard the aloof self she buried her feet in snow to write her name for the last time. The snow she had played in, smelled of death, smelled of religious battles, smelled of anonymity of faith. She wasn’t alone, yet she was.
Decades have passed, she lives on hoping, the snow would have melted, and her name would have buried itself in the dry blood. Blood that didn’t belong to her, bloodshed that she witnessed yet wished otherwise. She lives on like a refugee in her own home hoping against the hope of a blissful life that she was promised. Heaven on earth was what they called it, burns like hell today.
Distant she may consider herself, distant from where she belonged but she reaches out to those charred doors, every time she closes her eyes. Too far, picturing her house being haunted with the smell of gun powder, she loathes for the moment of helplessness and leaving a mark of hers, no matter if it was momentary.
They all had to flee, flee for their lives which now complain of a dead soul. A land that stays disowned, a land that stays owned by too many, yet disowned by them all. While she searches her soul that once was alive and preserved, they look for their missing sons who now belong to a septic world of their own. They all live a life of regret, regrets that outnumber the breaths they may have but there is no reverse from here.
The house once charred, will always smell of burn, the snow that has tasted blood once, would live in denial of its purity. The hands that chose to kill their own brother, wouldn’t comfort anymore, the ones who have crossed the border already have lost the trail back home. You may choose one side or the other, but truth be told, they all live with a sour heart.
It doesn’t matter who is hurt more, what matters is, they chose to live with that hurt!
Decades have passed, she lives on hoping, the snow would have melted, and her name would have buried itself in the dry blood. Blood that didn’t belong to her, bloodshed that she witnessed yet wished otherwise. She lives on like a refugee in her own home hoping against the hope of a blissful life that she was promised. Heaven on earth was what they called it, burns like hell today.
Distant she may consider herself, distant from where she belonged but she reaches out to those charred doors, every time she closes her eyes. Too far, picturing her house being haunted with the smell of gun powder, she loathes for the moment of helplessness and leaving a mark of hers, no matter if it was momentary.
They all had to flee, flee for their lives which now complain of a dead soul. A land that stays disowned, a land that stays owned by too many, yet disowned by them all. While she searches her soul that once was alive and preserved, they look for their missing sons who now belong to a septic world of their own. They all live a life of regret, regrets that outnumber the breaths they may have but there is no reverse from here.
The house once charred, will always smell of burn, the snow that has tasted blood once, would live in denial of its purity. The hands that chose to kill their own brother, wouldn’t comfort anymore, the ones who have crossed the border already have lost the trail back home. You may choose one side or the other, but truth be told, they all live with a sour heart.
It doesn’t matter who is hurt more, what matters is, they chose to live with that hurt!

81 comments:
:( makes sad...nicely portrayed
I am feeling sad now...It's a brilliant piece of writing. You can feel the pain in every word. Love this line - "It doesn’t matter who is hurt more, what matters is, they chose to live with that hurt!"
its like im there i smell burnt wood. i smell the blood. i sense the hopelessness. "i am defeated im but a living corpse with a barren soul". can sense the helplessness in her forced away from the place she lived loosing her everything. its like a bad dream or is it real. yes its hell on earth.
That is one sad post, Chintan. I agree with Saru, it was evident in every word, but I think, if this sadness is felt through a post, the sadness felt by them must be multifold this!
the desperate brethren..
leaving one's home, even for safety.. is not a willing task for many
well portrayed .. very thoughtful indeed..
everyone is living with the bitter truth, on both sides of the fence laid by their so-called own people...
painful memoirs..nicely penned and the striking words did capture imagery..
How could you just come up with ' I'm a kashmiri and i've lived this ' writing? You just amaze me .
Brilliantly portrayed...
Chintan, that was a poignant read! Right from the times of crusades, the world has not changed when it comes to war in the name of religion! Very sad!!
I read it twice...could already imagine this character...ur heart and soul into it Chintu..beautiful piece...
just one thing I don't agree with ..the last line...they did not choose to live that hurt..they were forced to live that...living in pain can be nobody's choice...
but yes by that line if you meant...they chose to live ahead of that hurt..fighting and trying to survive then I totally agree..
Lovely write up. Who is the right party figthing for Kashmir doesn't matter. In the end, it's those people being sliced in between.
'Too far, picturing her house being haunted with the smell of gun powder, she loathes for the moment of helplessness and leaving a mark of hers'. Probably all Kashmiris go through that feeling!
"She wasn’t alone, yet she was" captures the feel so well. Great write up. My heart goes out to all those helpless souls....May Kashmir rise of all the terrible past and may it again be a paradise for all of us!
You just described the exact feeling in the hearts of so many people. It pains me to think of what they must have gone through and are still going through day after day.
Very touching and sad. The last line says it all.
♥ www.thegirlatfirstavenue.com
This is very sad yet true for many out there. It is an unthinkable path of emotions for such painful souls... :(
Renders shivers through me. You actually got into the soul of the girl. Have u ever visited this place?
Jannat, what they called has turned into the valley of catstrophe. I seriously couldn't imagine till date what it was to live with fear each second. I now do, slightly, as the real threat can only be experienced by the ones living there.
Excellent piece !
*Speechless*
Yeah,today situation is bad in kashmir.It's the result of what kashmiri's did in past.I was watching an interview where Yaseen Malik a kashmiri leader repeatedly said"muslims are in majority so kashmir is entitled to special status."These kinda speeches by kashmiri leaders made the situation worst.Any special status on the basis of religion will give a setback to muslims in rest of India.Muslims of India know it well. They never supported kashmiri muslims.
No body can help kashmir.it's tragic but true.
Very very nicely written Chintan..I know you don't like comments which say "Nice" and stuff like that..but I couldn't stop myself :)
I just hope against hope that Kashmir gets a clean slate to write its bright future.Mrs Kaul ,my old neighbor,a displaced KP will totally agree.She longs for her home and she hurts for her not so lucky cousins who were murdered in broad daylight.
It sums up an Kashmiri's story, isn't it!! You know, any opinion you have abt Kashmir will have its own supporters and haters.. Almost equally. Kashmir is a question mark for the past 60+ yrs and the way things are being handled, it will remain to be a question mark. Sad.
i finally got some time to read posts...and what a post this was...awesome...
the prejudice, the human insecurity, the violence...the same old human story...and we will never learn...
I just have no words. I do not know how anyone lives with those horrible memories :(
It's sad .However beautifully written! Amazing post !! :)
Wonderful and a touchy narration, Chintan! I could visualize everything. I especially love the starting lines. They were very poetic. And this whole scenario, I agree that what matters it is people who chose to accept and live with those wounds, which can be healed very rarely.
superb post
and things are difficult there from a long time
http://drivingwithpen.blogspot.com/
And were still playing the noisy neighbors. Listening sounds and concoting beautiful stories.
Nicely done.
Cheers,
Blasphemous Aesthete
Thank you Anshul :)
Thank you Chirag :)
Thank you Harsha. Who so ever I have spoken to, they have lost the hope to be healed.
Thank you Jen.
Sometimes I feel, we are much luckier to have not born in the heaven of the earth.
Welcome back Sub :) The hope is dying.
It will. It has become a curse for so many. Unfortunately so.
I have known a friend for years too. She never told us about her experience when they had to leave Kashmir, now after so many years she could. Such wounds only get deeper with time.
*hugs* <3
Unfortunately not. The opinions that locals are exposed to are way too biased.
:) Thank you for reading Kinara.
I haven't visited as yet. I wish to.
Thank you Jasper..
It is. What one calls home is home no more. Not for the next generations too.
It hurts a lot when ever I think about Kashmir. Especially when I have kashmiri friends.
Wishful thinking...but I do pray and hope things get better.
Lovely portrayed. Brilliant expressions! :)
Sadly yes. May be some of them wouldn't even care about the two nations and wish to live in peace.
What I meant with that statement --- They chose to live with the hurt against each other, which certainly is imposed.
Lived ahead of hurt, certainly. Many are and must they however the hurt that lingers, unfortunately leaves a vacuum.
Thank you Suku <3
I wish, we could.
Thank you Prateek.
Because I believed I am :)
Thank you Rohit
Thank you for reading Anirudhh
I wasn't sure I will ever complete this. I kept staring at the first two lines for fifteen minutes restlessly. I had to let myself wander a lot.
What have they done to Kashmir?
I agree. It is beyond our imagination.
Thank you Pgy <3
I wish I had the power to remove that fence.
Thank you Psyche..
wow nicely narrated, i loved the last line very very much ...
Dee..
"the snow that has tasted blood once, would live in denial of its purity"... The best expression in a series of poignant phrases... When will we stop shedding blood over something as personal as faith?
Whenever you write about Kashmir, you make my heart ache for those people. I wish there was something that we could do. Holding a candle light protest and making a plea for letting Kashmir go is possible, but I wonder it would be much help. I hope they find peace soon, and so do we.
Beautifully written.
Peace,
Swati
a lot of pain still lies in the hearts..
nothing can change those memories..
nothing can bring back what is lost..
may their souls rest in peace..
can feel the pain chints.. its very sad..
uv put it across very well.. even included beautiful poetry within,,
Thank you Deepak :)
I don't think we ever will.
I wish so too, but it's just wishful thinking!
thank you dreaming...
This was awesome.. And I have no words to describe how awesome.. :)
I don't know what to say...its just too painful to read this, can never imagine what the ppl there must go through.
Beautifully written. Each word carried the pain and sadness. It's a writer's genius to make the reader happy or sad with his/her words...and you just did that :)
following ur blog. miss out on write ups like this wud be stupidity.
its difficult for me to express myself after reading such a wonderful post Chintan.
every word, every sentence is so painful on one side and thought provoking on the other that it leaves the reader thinking the pain people go through!!!
i keep falling in love with your posts everytime i read them!!!
regards
rahul
Very poetic and disturbing!
Beautiful land... Beautiful people... But... There is no peace! :(
Thank you Neha :)
It wasn't easy to imagine the pain, surely living each moment is a question mark in itself.
Thank you Neha...
Cheers...
Thank you Rahul :)
Unfortunately so.
Hi Chintan, i have read a few of your posts recently, and this one is a masterpiece.
congrats on the blogadda pick:). keep writing more....
My god-you brought alive the horror with your words and the hollow feelings with your expressions-this one truly paints a dreaded picture!
WOW! Such a beautiful post! I read it so late but so touched <3
Beautiful. I'll say it again, Beautiful.
Whoaa.This is 1 gud way of saying yes we do care even if v aren't among d people who r suffering.Agony is what comes out n dat reflects in your post.V kashmiris hav been here n seen it all but seems like u hav witnessed it too n dat is what makes your post stand out appealing.Great job done
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